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 Post subject: Ain't Booze Fun???
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:41 pm 
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Admin Elf

Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:38 am
Posts: 6
I think I am an Alcoholic...

On November 7 2009 I decided that I wanted to die. I was alienated from my wife (still am) because of a suicidal rage I was in a week prior because of excessive drinking. I drank all week and for some reason I decided that November 7 would be my last day on earth.

I bought a 30 pack of beer and a fifth of bourbon. I nearly drank it all. I called my wife in a stupor, had an argument that I can't remember and smashed my cellphone into little pieces. I drove (thank God no one was killed) to the local convenience store to find a pay phone to continue the argument.

Inside the convenience store I had a moment of "clarity." I decided if I got the police to show up that I could have a "showdown" and they would shoot me dead. I fell on the floor and told the clerk to shoot me if she had a gun. Of course, she called the police.

When they arrived, I asked them to shoot me dead. When they didn't comply, I fought with them, hoping they would use lethal force. Even in cuffs I smashed my head against the glass in the back of the car until I was incoherent.

They just wouldn't shoot me. I spent three days in a mental facility just to sober up enough to be released to my new therapist. Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ain't Booze Fun???
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 1:50 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 3:32 pm
Posts: 2
Hey 2By;
How ya been?
Think I found one who's gotten his ass kicked pretty hard. Claims he was gonna' commit suicide but chickened out. Anyway, he might/could be a candidate for some real written StepWork. Here is the story he told me and I hope for his sake that it ain't BullShit. :D

In October i decided that i was going to throw myself off of the top level of a high parking garage. These are the events that happened prior to my attempt. I had recently been kicked out of my house for relapsing. I spent the next few days getting obliterated on drugs and alcohol. I was driving through the country when i threw my gallon jug of Seagrams out the window. I drove to the parking garage in the hopes that i'd be drunk enough, courageous enough, to jump. It was about midnight when i pulled into a parking space at the top of the garage. I began to bargain with myself immediately. In ten minutes, i'm going to jump. The closest i got was getting out of my car and looking over the edge. For whatever reason i got back in the car and fell asleep. I awoke to the police knocking on my window. They took my keys and said that i needed to call someone to get me. I did, the next day my friend dropped me off to get my car and i thought that i was going to jump. I sat in my car for three hours before i called a family member. I told them that i wanted to kill myself, but i didn't want to die. They called the police and i drove out of the garage. After talking to my family member i decided to check myself into the hospital. I was trailed the whole way by police. When i pulled into the hospital parking lot they pulled me over. They asked if i was ok and i told them that i was suicidal. they asked why and i told them that i was in recovery, but had relapsed. The police officer talked to me for an hour about how his father was an alcoholic and all he ever wanted for him was to get help. He walked me into the hospital to make sure i checked in. After all of that, and a week in the hospital, i still wasnt finished. An hour after i got out of the hospital i was drinking. It took two more months of being homeless and strung out for me to see that this is not the way i wanted to live out the rest of my days. I knew for a fact that i could not kill myself. That was scary all by itself. Then to see that i would die a slow painful alcoholic death is what got me to start praying again. It was suggested by my mother that i go back to AA, and it was in those rooms that a kindness and generosity that i never knew of saved me. I knew that no one was going to save me. The world would continue to spin whether i was going to stay sober or not. I realized that if i was going to get sober it would be my choice to do the work necessary. I realize now that if i don't drink today that i will truly be ok. It gets better. It works. Don't kill yourself. That's just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are loved.

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